NY Wants You to Stop Having Sex in Person, Murdering Police Is Ok Though

NY Wants You to Stop Having Sex in Person, Murdering Police Is Ok Though

We’re not going to lie to you here. We don’t exactly have a take on this topic. It’s just hilarious. That’s why we are sharing it with you. We’re living in a time when laughs are hard to come by and stories like this one are sure to make you chuckle. We grew up in New York and we are here to tell you that their latest social distancing guidelines are absolutely ludicrous.

New York residents are now being told that they should not have sex unless there is a wall between them and their partner. There are holes in New York City apartments but they are typically only there because rodents have chewed through the walls. These are not holes that you would want to stick anything into.

The proprietors of “glory hole” establishments are probably rejoicing at the news, though. Are glory holes still a thing? We’re a bit behind the times when it comes to these sorts of things. Mayor de Blasio deserves to be given a hard time for his mishandling of the COVID-19 pandemic. He sat on his hands and waited way too long to start instituting lockdowns. This just might be his funniest failure yet, though.

Maybe he was unable to come up with a good plan for the city because he was more concerned with coming up with bizarre guidelines to police everyone’s private lives. There’s a deadly plague sweeping the streets of New York City but de Blasio is far more concerned about people’s ability to do the no pants dance. It’s gallows humor, for sure, but we cannot stop laughing at this edict.

There’s even talk about being creative with “sexual positions”. We cannot wait to hear from the people who are such sticklers that they are willing to have sex with a doorway strategically placed between them. Instead of contacting a special friend to come over and spend the night, you can now let them know that they will need to use the mail slot.

All jokes aside, de Blasio has absolutely lost his mind. The idea that a mayor would spend his time issuing sexual guidelines during a pandemic is too deranged to wrap our own fragile minds around. If you live in New York City and you are looking to enjoy that special moment with your significant other, you are going to need to grab a six foot piece of cardboard. Cut the necessary holes, so that the mayor does not come after you.

The logistics are going to be tough but we have the utmost faith in you. Switching gears, we are sure that this rule is truly being directed at those who indulge in certain activities when they are in public settings. We are not here to judge, it is merely an observation. New York City is offering more guidelines to anyone who is looking to have an orgy any time in the near future as well.

They want people who are having group sex (because who isn’t?) to make sure that they are choosing consistent partners. We are not quite sure how that is supposed to work. The orgy community is probably already way ahead of the game here. They are supposed to be wearing facial coverings and avoiding any kissing while they are doing the deed.

This is motivating us to keep wearing our masks in the meantime, though. We are about a week out from Mayor de Blasio issuing guidelines on how to establish and maintain a glory home in the comfort of your own home. Please, let’s all wear our masks and keep the social distancing going before we have to read any more of this insanity.

Mind you, this is the same mayor who was acting psyched about the massive protests that were taking place in his city just last week. We are not out of the woods yet and it would be nice to have a mayor who realizes that. That’s the least that we can hope for at this point.


45 thoughts on “NY Wants You to Stop Having Sex in Person, Murdering Police Is Ok Though

  1. The Mayor is on a trip with no destination in mind or is he ? this “Sex with no Intimacy “, like a wall between partners is probably designed to foster a goal of ”Zero Population”increase so he can decrease the size of the Police Department, thereby making a step closer to his Wife’s Idea of NYC becoming her version of a “Utopia” of Unicorns and Flowers where there are “No laws or Rules “necessary for Happiness and Joy for all with an eventual removal of the Police Depattment ! ! HAAHAHAHAHAH Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ! (Credit for last statement,Respectfully goes to a “Man of Color” Comedian and TV personality ,Arsenio Hall)
    Arsenio Hall )

    1. De Blasio, ONLY has a BRAIN as BIG as a PEA. And a Penis and Balls to match his Brain Size ! I’m glad I don’t live in the Shanee State of NY.

      1. I agree he wants you to stick it thru a Hole , Cover it in a Banana Peel and tell the Monkey on the other side . Peel my Banana and I’ll add the Cream ooohhh aahhhh

    1. And then he has gone to far. A DELUSIONAL DERANGED DEPLORABLE LOWLIFE telling everybody what they can do , when the can do it and how many times it can happen . WHO ! Made him LORD and SAVIOR ! This DERANGED LOWLIFE needs to ADMIT HIMSELF INTO THE NEAREST MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR THE DERANGED AND DEPLORABLE LOWLIFE DEMOCRATS.

  2. De Blasio is a damn fool. You can say the same for the mayor of Chicago, Seattle, Portland, and Los Angeles. These bozos have no idea how to run a city or in fact do anything. De Blasio probably has trouble having sex much less want to regulate others sexual habits. What a jackass!

  3. Hey GetBlowsio, are you out of you already dead mind? You don’t want us to have sex, unless it’s through a hole?
    I know you don’t have balls, but I think you have a very little peepee, too. Try it with your wife. I bet you can’t even get all the way through a hole. Somebody ought to put you out of your misery, you don’t deserve to breath fresh, American air.

    1. He probably needs to can of pepper and a piece string to Laos it and to hold on I’m it when it Sneezes ! He probably only has at least a TWO or THREE inch penis to hold onto .

  4. This. QUEER MY MAYOR needs to SHUT his PIE HOLE and RESIGN from being MAYOR OF NYC. There is NO ONE ☝ on God’s Green Earth 🌎 going to tell ME When and How I’m going to have SEX with my Wife .

  5. when are people going to start getting his country back if you are going to lay down and take this we will be told when and were to take a shit we have got to start getting these people out of office before its to late.

  6. Let him try it with his wife and. tell us how it feels afterward. Get her testimonial as well. And their son when he has sex with others under age

  7. Hey – YOU. YOU New Yorkers. Leave New York for a safer state. Leave DiBlasio with NO ONE to govern. Sounds like a smart move to me. He can have all the roaches and rats to tell what to do and when to do it!

  8. Does this mean no sex for senior citizens…GFL mayor de Bozo…since your so touchy about sex I suppose talking Governor Whitmer in to kicking down a couple of BJs….won’t have to hear the party line if so engaged,is out of the question huh?

  9. Well the DEMONCRAPS are Socialist/Communist piece of shit. You are getting a taste how they plan on treating people. You will be herded like cows. They will control your lives & take away your FREEDOM. They are EVIL********

  10. LOL Just when you think these looney racist liberals can’t get any worse, BAM!!! They are on some serious, major drugs and need to be in straight-jackets locked away from society due to the fact that they are all extremely messed up. They are so brain-washed and clueless to what the demon party is really trying to do. Total control of the people, no more free USA to go out make something of your life for yourself and family. Next they will take your children away to make sure they stay in line with their crazy policies. Wake up America or all of us poor people will be homeless or dead!!

  11. Please God, save us from idiots like this.Oh right, it is up to us to vote Red. Dems don’t care about America or WeThe People. If Biden is the best they can come up with, use your brains.

  12. This is a dangerous rule–it would caused lots of damages to walls. People would be carving holes in there to make love–ala Glory Holes!!

  13. Before DE Blasio ran for office did anyone check to see if he was retarded? It sure seems like he just might be.

  14. Whomever , fathered {out of wedlock] DeBlasio , should be arrested for creating a monstrously obtuse ,ugly , foolish , ignorant , hate filled , vile , repugnant , bipedal excrement , He , AOC ,Peloci , the Clintons , Hunter and Joseph Biden , and Barack , have a grand total I.Q. of 0.0000123 1/2. . I am being generous of course.
    If any “antifas” mongrels are reading this post . Please get your boytoy friends and go to Martha’s Vineyard and look for Baracks house , he is having a Chicago Bathhouse party , he is supplying the food and booze . Later , you can go to the Hamptons and find Cuomo’s new home and have a “HOUSE WARMING” , bring your own gasoline.

  15. Leading Online Pharmacy – Contact us at +1 (917) 259-3352 for unbelievable rates, discount and offers on any medicine. Get it delivered free of cost at your door steps, call us today. Phone : +1 (917) 259-3352

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